|Thank you, air hostess who apologized for seating me next to an asian man with a migraine condition.
||[Jul. 17th, 2007|03:00 am]
|||||James Chance & the Contortions, Shellac||]|
Now that the fun part of my summer is over, I really don't know what I'm going to do with myself. Most likely I'll spend the remaining days rehashing tales of my time in the Midwest for my own edification. And what better moment to start that than now, hmm? Here is my attempt at an abridged run-through of SOJOURN IN IOWA: 2007 EDITION...
Friday: Had intended to arrive in IA; instead spent the night walking the Chicago streets and sleeping in a hotel room furnished with an unfinished wooden box.
Saturday: Returned to O'Hare bright-eyed and bushy-tailed at 5:15 in the am; managed to catch my plane and toddled off to Des Moines smelling a bit horrible and feeling more exhausted than I had ever thought possible. I was also surpassingly nervous, as I was certain that my luggage would be lost. Fortunately, this did not occur and I was reunited with all of my swanky garments. Once back in Ames, Sam and I visited the highly impressive local Salvo, where we acquired a number of very high fashion items (including a sailor ensemble and a marvelous plaid & lace maternity top). We also found time to experience Pee Wee's Big Adventure, which is a true achievement in cinema.
Sunday: Spent much of the morning being reclusive while Sam earned a living; mocked Lindsay Lohan's lame hairline; later drove to Des Moines and split a banana split (with the banana on the side, of course); created a striking coin sculpture of a platypus.
Monday: Lost at musical "Smart Mouth," though honorably, as I never had to namedrop Eagle Eye Cherry.
Tuesday: Mid-afternoon was Regan-Goose/Romantic Octopi t-shirt making, while the evening was spent wandering the forest with a charming young chap by the name of Ege. We saw a deer (which Ege failed to identify), but did not see a homeless man; I brought home a vertebral column. We also happened upon an injured bird, a ghost banquet, and a few bales of hay. Concluded the day with a bit of Loveline on the roof (where I learned a great many things I perhaps wish I hadn't).
Wednesday: Relished the adorable comic possibilities of slavery; briefly overcame my fear of a) water, b) sun exposure, and c) giant eels in order to float about in the quarry with my lady friends. In the evening I learned that it is apparently déclassé to call unknown motorists who happen to bother me, "cunts." I had not been aware of this rule but will certainly try to adhere to it in the future.
Thursday: Explored bead shops and animal boutiques, realized I no longer have an appetite (for life, food, destruction, etc.). Sam and I trekked out to Valley Junction to worship at what was apparently a B-52's shrine; had an extremely (and unexpectedly...) inexpensive dinner courtesty of our vaguely airheaded waitress. We then spent the night getting dolled up for a dance party we did not attend; circled angrily; I was placated by a raccoon.
Friday: "I know I'm a vampire, Jerry." Sam's darling van broke down in the "drive-thru" at McDonald's; Sara and I valiantly came to her rescue. Purchased the necessary supplies at the Hoi Vey (disposable camera, ice cream, cinammon buns) and then drove about taking pictures of Ames hotspots. Final Iowan nighttime was spent watching possibly the worst MST3k episode of all time (Manos: Hands of Fate) and magically stuffing my already overflowing bag with my belongings. No sign of Hell bugs, thank God.
Saturday: Garagesailing was a bust as we don't really need used bras, baby clothes, or beige lipstick, but we did get a picture of a yard overtaken by plastic flamingoes. Was teary over the prospect of returning to New Hampshire; almost missed another plane in Chicago; arrived in Boston at 1 am and felt AWESOME. My little sister told me I looked horrible and made me listen to Linkin Park. I hate middle schoolers.
So...until next year, I guess?