Log in

No account? Create an account
I'll bet you have intestinal parasites. [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Aurora Linnea

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ archive | journal archive ]

Thank you, air hostess who apologized for seating me next to an asian man with a migraine condition. [Jul. 17th, 2007|03:00 am]
Aurora Linnea
[mood |coldOi.]
[music |James Chance & the Contortions, Shellac]

Now that the fun part of my summer is over, I really don't know what I'm going to do with myself. Most likely I'll spend the remaining days rehashing tales of my time in the Midwest for my own edification. And what better moment to start that than now, hmm? Here is my attempt at an abridged run-through of SOJOURN IN IOWA: 2007 EDITION...

Friday: Had intended to arrive in IA; instead spent the night walking the Chicago streets and sleeping in a hotel room furnished with an unfinished wooden box.

Saturday: Returned to O'Hare bright-eyed and bushy-tailed at 5:15 in the am; managed to catch my plane and toddled off to Des Moines smelling a bit horrible and feeling more exhausted than I had ever thought possible. I was also surpassingly nervous, as I was certain that my luggage would be lost. Fortunately, this did not occur and I was reunited with all of my swanky garments. Once back in Ames, Sam and I visited the highly impressive local Salvo, where we acquired a number of very high fashion items (including a sailor ensemble and a marvelous plaid & lace maternity top). We also found time to experience Pee Wee's Big Adventure, which is a true achievement in cinema.

Sunday: Spent much of the morning being reclusive while Sam earned a living; mocked Lindsay Lohan's lame hairline; later drove to Des Moines and split a banana split (with the banana on the side, of course); created a striking coin sculpture of a platypus.

Monday: Lost at musical "Smart Mouth," though honorably, as I never had to namedrop Eagle Eye Cherry.

Tuesday: Mid-afternoon was Regan-Goose/Romantic Octopi t-shirt making, while the evening was spent wandering the forest with a charming young chap by the name of Ege. We saw a deer (which Ege failed to identify), but did not see a homeless man; I brought home a vertebral column. We also happened upon an injured bird, a ghost banquet, and a few bales of hay. Concluded the day with a bit of Loveline on the roof (where I learned a great many things I perhaps wish I hadn't).

Wednesday: Relished the adorable comic possibilities of slavery; briefly overcame my fear of a) water, b) sun exposure, and c) giant eels in order to float about in the quarry with my lady friends. In the evening I learned that it is apparently déclassé to call unknown motorists who happen to bother me, "cunts." I had not been aware of this rule but will certainly try to adhere to it in the future.

Thursday: Explored bead shops and animal boutiques, realized I no longer have an appetite (for life, food, destruction, etc.). Sam and I trekked out to Valley Junction to worship at what was apparently a B-52's shrine; had an extremely (and unexpectedly...) inexpensive dinner courtesty of our vaguely airheaded waitress. We then spent the night getting dolled up for a dance party we did not attend; circled angrily; I was placated by a raccoon.

Friday: "I know I'm a vampire, Jerry." Sam's darling van broke down in the "drive-thru" at McDonald's; Sara and I valiantly came to her rescue. Purchased the necessary supplies at the Hoi Vey (disposable camera, ice cream, cinammon buns) and then drove about taking pictures of Ames hotspots. Final Iowan nighttime was spent watching possibly the worst MST3k episode of all time (Manos: Hands of Fate) and magically stuffing my already overflowing bag with my belongings. No sign of Hell bugs, thank God.

Saturday: Garagesailing was a bust as we don't really need used bras, baby clothes, or beige lipstick, but we did get a picture of a yard overtaken by plastic flamingoes. Was teary over the prospect of returning to New Hampshire; almost missed another plane in Chicago; arrived in Boston at 1 am and felt AWESOME. My little sister told me I looked horrible and made me listen to Linkin Park. I hate middle schoolers.

So...until next year, I guess?
link4 comments|post comment

I'd vote for Rosie O'Donnell for president. She was so inspirational in Harriet the Spy. [Jun. 19th, 2007|07:12 pm]
Aurora Linnea
[mood |hotHumid]
[music |Slint]

Well, it's basically summer and what am I doing with myself?

That's a funny one, that.

What am I doing?

For starters, today I've:
a) Watched 2 hours of Boy Meets World reruns
b) Eaten half a bag of twizzlers
and c) Dealt with some horrible allergic reaction on my face.

Sounds fun, right? Yeah. I love summer. It's hellishly humid here, and I'm fading by the second. I'm already a soggy stain on the carpet, sort of blackish and sallow in tone, like an oil slick. How poetic.

Graduation is on Thursday. I fully expect to graduate, but who knows what surprises they might throw at me. Perhaps I shall be stuck here forever and ever and ever....


I dyed my hair black.
linkpost comment

Today I told a stranger that the beads on her purse looked like the teeth of murdered infants. [May. 10th, 2007|10:34 pm]
Aurora Linnea
[mood |cynicalI feel rodent infested.]
[music |Lightning Bolt, Boredoms...um, something loud...]

I am most displeased by the fact that I've still got about another month to decay in the hell hole that is Ithaca High School. I had my last AP exam today and I really think the powers that be ought to let me leave right about now. Please, God.

What is more pleasing, however, is the fact that I am getting my braces off tomorrow. Oh, the bliss! I am very much looking forward to not having to try to discreetly pick bits of bagel out of my teeth every single minute of every single day. Additionally, I will not look as much like a tall 12-year-old as I do at present.

Update as to my cat's cancer: the tumor was removed via some sort of surgical procedure. He is now in good health, although he is still rather fat and lethargic.

Update on my crazy mum: she is move to Connecticut next year. Wild. I've always wanted to be a visor-wearing yuppie bastard.

Update on my poverty: HAHA! We have rats near/in our house now. We had been feeding them birdseed because they were pretty cute and whatnot, but now they have decided to take things into their own little clawed paws and are trying to invade our modest abode. I swear that I heard one in the bathroom cupboard yesterday morning. We're officially wretched.
link1 comment|post comment

Your mother ate my dog! [Mar. 8th, 2007|07:28 pm]
Aurora Linnea
[mood |crushedI like my cat.]
[music |The Psychic Paramount]

My cat has cancer.

How ridiculous is this? If I had fifty-foot long arms (which I almost do; I'm one gangly little tramp) and I stretched them out as far as I possibly could, their fully extended length would not be enough to express the utter ridiculousness of my cat having cancer.

The cat with cancer is not Holden Catfield but my first cat, Willis. Willis is sort of brown with stripes, whereas Holden is black. This is perfect, as when Willis dies from CANCER, Holden will already be dressed for his funeral.

Gah. Kill me.
link1 comment|post comment

My mom says I'm self-righteous but it's not my fault that everyone is crappier than me. [Feb. 15th, 2007|02:11 pm]
Aurora Linnea
[mood |fullEat the rich.]
[music |The Au Pairs, Josef K]

Admittedly, it may be that I am crappier than everyone. I'm actually pretty sure that that is the case.

We've got about two feet of snow on the ground. I am exceedingly pleased. Two snow days! So good! I'm beyond tired of high school; I really can't handle it anymore. Thus, snow days are more magical than ever before. I tried to go sledding but ended up just sinking into the snow and sort of sitting there, which isn't as fun as it sounds. My shoes became very moist, and my coat (which is massive and mangy faux-fur from Salvo) weighed about three tons when soaked through. My mom had to pull me out of the snow drift because I couldn't do anything but flail about and moan.

No school on Valentine's Day is the best thing that's happened to me in years. If I'd had to be there, watching my moronic peers give one another wilted carnations and heart-shaped doilies and awkward hugs, I probably would have choked on my own hyper-acidic vomit. Hey! All of my friends hate me because all I do is say stuff like that and they're like, "Aurora, STOP." But I hate them too, because they're idiots.

Ummmm...still haven't found out about college. I'm probably not going. Instead, I think I'll live in a krautrock brothel with German prostitutes and sell my organs to science. Who needs a gallbladder, anyway? What does that particular body part even do? I had an interview with Columbia and totally screwed it up because I can't speak to people without sounding like a lunatic/jerkface. It was really great.

Happy belated Valentine's Day, kids.
link2 comments|post comment

2006 was a royal bore and I expect nothing less from 2007. [Dec. 30th, 2006|03:47 am]
Aurora Linnea
[music |Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds - "Deanna"]

I've spent most of the past week degenerating in my bedroom squalor and let me tell you, it's been oodles of fun and games. I ran out of reading materials so I'm now plodding through some harlequin romance about an Irish beauty and her bodice-bursting passion (not to mention bosom). I may expire shortly.

I only come downstairs between the hours of 11:00 pm and 4:00 am, when no one else is around. Insomnia has long been one of my favorite hobbies.

Tomorrow, however, everything is going to change. My dearly beloved extended family will be joining me at my glorious abode for a weekend of Cobb family winter festivities, and I have no doubts that it will be a brilliant time for all parties involved. Considering my generous appetite for fun, laughter, babies, plastic snowmen, blondes, water sports, crowds, and bad shoes, I just know that I will be happy as a clam.

Aha. I know what else is on my mind. Here, in no particular order, are my picks for the best musical albums of 2006:
Liars - Drum's Not Dead
Asobi Seksu - Citrus
Yo La Tengo - I'm Not Afraid of You...
Scott Walker - The Drift
The Knife - Silent Shout
Poni Hoax - ""

I liked the Pipettes' album a bunch as well, but I'm not sure if that counts. It was just sort of fun, not really grrrr-eat, per se.
What are your thoughts? I'm simply dying to know.

Addendum: I've also gotten into the habit of hoarding things lately. Today, I stole a pair of long underwear that my little brother received from Santa (who apparently is very concerned for the well-being of my brother's bottom, etc.). They fit me perfectly; I have no intention of returning them. Yesterday I stole some headbands I found in the bathroom. I also have a bag of Swedish Fish, some poptarts, and a package of paper plates shaped like animal faces tucked beneath my bed for safe keeping, all of which I found around my house. On a scale of 1 to 10, how weird is that?
linkpost comment

My Spleen: A Progressive Employer in a Vibrant Community [Dec. 7th, 2006|11:31 pm]
Aurora Linnea
[mood |uncomfortableeghhhhhh.]
[music |Big Black]

My play opened tonight. I could not be less enthusiastic. Honestly, it's probably the worst play of all time - "Help! I'm Trapped in a High School!"


This bizarre girl came up to me before curtain call and said, for no apparent reason, "You're just so...yummy. Let me just say that if I were a man, I'd fuck your brains out."

I responded by throwing up on her and drooling a bit of bile (just for effect). I'm so tired of sapphic come-ons.

I bought Christmas presents at the dollar store and I picked out this lovely toy guitar with a picture of Barbie on the package called "Benign Girl Gui-tar." I also picked out an abacus with a package that said "PANDA BRAINS ABACI" and "LEARN?"

Thrilling, really.
link2 comments|post comment

If there's a girl snake in your sweater, does that make you a lesbian? [Nov. 12th, 2006|03:13 am]
Aurora Linnea
[mood |sickgoddddamn it.]
[music |Ex-Models]

I spent this whirlwind Veteran's Day weekend in darling old New Hampshire, land of the free. The funtimes sector of this sorry state has definitely been improved thanks to a slew of new developments that have...er...developed since I last visited...

1. My little brother, David Alden Cobb, is now the proud owner of a Creamsicle Corn Snake. Being an ultimately clever & creative young man, David has named his new steed 'Cornelius.' It is yet to be decided whether Cornelius is in fact a man or a lady snake, but I know one thing: I'm not taking any chances. I always address Cornelius by Cornelius's full name so as to avoid offending Cornelius. I'm walking on eggshells here! I'm not sure if I should take it as some sort of hint that Cornelius was trying, quite literally, to get into my pants earlier this morning; I think that may just be a unisex habit of ill-mannered snakes. In any case, I have fallen madly in love with that lithe reptile and carried it around for approximately 8 hours today.

2. My older brother, Christopher, passed his lawyer exams. Woo! What the world needs right now is more lawyers, and I am so pleased that my brother can fill the void. My family had a celebration for Lawyerface at some highly unsophisticated restaurant called 'BuggaBoo Creek.' I thought we were going somewhere nice so I dressed up in my blazery best, only to find myself surrounded by taxidermied wildlife and decorative twigs. There was a talking moose on the wall; I believe he called himself Morty. The waitress, who was dressed in cowboy boots and a name tag pin bearing the words 'Ellie May' (I KID YOU NOT), dropped a creamer on my head. I was somewhat upset, but mostly I was distracted by Morty the Talking Moose. My parents ordered this thing called a "Bunyan Onion," which is apparently like a giant onion ring but totally unpleasant. This abomination of the food world prompted me to make a bunch of jokes about both Paul Bunyan, the mythical lumberjack, and the other bunion, a sort of weird growth you can get on your heel if your shoes are too small.

3. My darling father has transformed our basement from a slightly moist, unpopular hang-out spot for angsty teens into a putrid house of slaughter. Earlier in the year, we had 20 turkeys. Now we have four. While I had hoped that they were simply disappearing or being kidnapped by weasels, it turns out that my dad has actually been brutally murdering them in our basement. I went down to the basement this morning to get a popsicle from the freezer, only to find that the freezer no longer housed popsicles but layers and layers of turkey corpses. There's turkey blood and feathers and bone fragments everywhere. It's very Texas Chainsaw Massacre, sans cannibalism.

4. Ice Cream. I've been eating a ton of it to dull the pain of my existence. I'm probably going to be obese come summer.
linkpost comment

You can't kick me out of NHS for being bitter! I hope you drown in a puddle of your own bile. [Oct. 17th, 2006|09:44 pm]
Aurora Linnea
[mood |dorkyBaby food, anyone?]
[music |Poni Hoax, Ariel Pink's Haunted Graffiti]

My mood has bottomed out at "complete and utter loathing of all two-legged beings" in the past week and a half, and I'm almost enjoying this plane of misanthropy. I can't think of anything to say about that topic that won't make me sound like Dahmer, so I'm just going to leave it at that.

However, my painfully sappy and nauseatingly cuddly English teacher is not so pleased with my attitude. Sadly enough, she is also the advisor for the Nat'l Honor Society, a longstanding organization of which I happen to be a vaguely proud & involved member. Apparently, she doesn't think that I am "NHS material" given the fact that I have no desire to "promote unity and compassion" among my high school brethren. She'll have to drag my fucking corpse out of NHS, because my membership looks good on my college applications and I'm not going to be kicked out for refusing to be a worthless cheery puffball. I may try to contort my face into a slight grin (as opposed to my standard sneers and grimaces) at the next meeting, though, just for appearances.

In happier news, Art Brut is coming to Ithaca this Saturday and I am so excited that I might just die. Most tragically, it is an 18+ show and I will not be able to attend on my own as I had hoped. Instead, I am making like a sandwich-eater and bringing my mumsicle along for the ride. Does this make me wholly pathetic and worthless in every possible way? Probably, yes. Do I care at all? No. Not at all. My mom and I are going to see Art Brut and it's going to be WICKED BEYOND HUMAN COMPREHENSION.
link1 comment|post comment

I got in a fight with an Amish man today. [Sep. 30th, 2006|09:15 pm]
Aurora Linnea
[mood |blankrien]
[music |Lydia Lunch]

I've been unreasonably combative lately. It's getting worrisome. I have an overwhelming desire to maim and otherwise devastate every single person with whom I make eye contact.

I think I may grow up to be a serial killer.

Tonight is homecoming, but I would honestly rather eviscerate myself with a spoon than attend that particular event.

Here's to hoping that everyone else is enjoying life as much as I am!
link5 comments|post comment

[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]